


the science of seduction

by imposterhuman



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Bad Puns, Bucky Barnes bakes, Cake Theft, Flirty Tony Stark, Fluff, M/M, Tony is a little shit, Tooth Rotting Fluff, its almost valentines day so this is just soft ok, science puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-14
Updated: 2020-02-14
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 634
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22703464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/imposterhuman/pseuds/imposterhuman
Summary: “You must have a p-value of at least 0.05,” Tony said out of nowhere. He hooked his arms over Bucky’s shoulders and tugged him down for a kiss. “Because I fail to reject you.”“Are you trying to seduce me with science puns so you can steal cake batter?” Bucky raised his eyebrows, dodging Tony’s kiss.Tony blinked up innocently at him through his eyelashes. “Yes,” he admitted, sticking a batter-covered finger in his mouth. “And it’s clearly working.”
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Tony Stark
Comments: 10
Kudos: 250





	the science of seduction

**Author's Note:**

> happy early valentines day! hope yall are with the people you want to be with and eating all the chocolate you want to eat!
> 
> enjoy <3

“You’re as sweet as a disaccharide of fructose and glucose,” Tony said, leaning against the counter and staring at a remarkably uninterested Bucky. “Get it? You’re like sucrose.”

Bucky didn’t even look up from his baking. “Cute, and yet, you’re not getting any cake batter,” he batted Tony’s wandering hand away. “Get away, you sugar fiend. You’ve already eaten all the damn sprinkles.”

“Mmm, but they’re not as sweet as you,” Tony tried. He stepped behind Bucky, wrapping his arms around his boyfriend’s waist. “But you’d be a lot sweeter if you let me taste-test…”

“Last time I let you taste-test, you stole so much batter that you made yourself sick,” said Bucky, unimpressed. “And you’ve clearly learned nothing from that endeavor.”

“I learned that you have no sympathy for your poor, sick partner,” Tony made a face.

Bucky made a face right back. “I have no sympathy when said partner nabs the bowl of raw batter and has JARVIS lock me in the kitchen so he can escape to his lab unheeded, then proceeds to eat it all instead of waiting for me to bake it like everyone else.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s not what happened,” said Tony, hopping onto the counter and eying the batter bowl. 

“That’s exactly what happened.”

Tony hummed noncommittally, swinging his legs like the child he was on the inside. Bucky was filled with a rush of fondness for his boyfriend, the kind that set the corners of his mouth twitching in a reluctant smile. He still wasn’t giving Tony the raw batter, though. 

“You must have a p-value of at least 0.05,” Tony said out of nowhere. He hooked his arms over Bucky’s shoulders and tugged him down for a kiss. “Because I fail to reject you.”

“Are you trying to seduce me with science puns so you can steal cake batter?” Bucky raised his eyebrows, dodging Tony’s kiss. 

Tony blinked up innocently at him through his eyelashes. “Yes,” he admitted, sticking a batter-covered finger in his mouth. “And it’s clearly working.”

“No, it’s not,” Bucky huffed, snatching the bowl away protectively. “Stop that. You’re going to get salmonella.”

Tony pouted. “It’d be worth it,” he muttered mutinously. “If you loved me, you’d let me have some.”

“Ah, yes,” Bucky said dryly. “If I loved you, I’d let you poison yourself. That’s how things work.”

Tony didn’t answer, choosing instead to stick his tongue out. “You give me premature ventricular contractions?”

“I  _ just  _ said it wasn’t working,” Bucky smirked at Tony, stirring the chocolate chips into the bowl. 

“I’m  _ diene  _ to be with you?” Tony ignored him, casting a longing look at the batter as Bucky poured it into the cake pan. 

“Nope!”

Tony narrowed his eyes. Suddenly, his whole demeanor changed. He slunk off of the countertop, sinuous as a cat. Bucky watched him, uncertain as to what the engineer was planning. He stepped close to Bucky, a wicked smirk on his face.

“Are you DNA helicase?” he asked in a sultry voice. Bucky could barely keep his laughter in. “Because I want you to unzip my genes.”

Bucky lost the battle with his giggles. “C’mere,” he reeled Tony in for a sweet kiss. “That was horrible. You don’t deserve to be rewarded for that one.”

Tony preened. “Except now I have all the cake batter, which is a pretty good reward,” he crowed victoriously as he pulled back. Sure enough, the cake tin was in his hand and he was already running away. “You’re slow, you lose, love you!”

Bucky sighed, resigned, and put down his whisk. “JARVIS?” he grabbed another box of cake mix. “Can you let me know when he gets sick so I can mock him relentlessly?”

If JARVIS could laugh, Bucky was pretty sure he would’ve. “Of course, Sergeant Barnes.”

**Author's Note:**

> comments and kudos make me happy :))
> 
> come talk to me on tumblr [@imposter-human](https://imposter-human.tumblr.com/)


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